My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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