Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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