Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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