i think my mom watched the whole time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
