What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
