also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
