Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
