Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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