just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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