Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Holy sore nipples Batman
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
