your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
