I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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