Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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