Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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