Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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