giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
