You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
40s are totally the cure
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
