PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
