Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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