Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
