He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
