my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
