What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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