I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
