I'm gonna have a badass scar
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
