He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
