my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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