I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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