Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
