Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
And then he peed in my hair
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