Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
