I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
