Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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