If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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