i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need moral support for this bender
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
