Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
