Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
