I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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