Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
