there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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