Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
