we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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