Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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