I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Randomize
