Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.