I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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