Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
