So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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