I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
