She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
