I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.