if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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