You smell like a Billy Joel song
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
