if i can run in heels then i can drive
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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