god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
