My room smells like vodka and shame
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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