I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
