My room smells like vodka and shame
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
