so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
