So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
