I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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