I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
