I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
