And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
