Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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