You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
