here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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