we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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