john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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