So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
