Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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