she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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