She said her name was "party"
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
