dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
